Livin' La Vida Luna y Luca
Our Puerto Rico trip feels like forever ago, but I haven't been able to take a decent pic of these two together since. Last one, I promise.
Slow is Smooth and Smooth is Fast
I'm re-reading Hell Yeah or No by Derek Sivers, and there's a chapter called, Relax for the Same Result.
I'm gonna straight-up copy and paste an excerpt here for you to read. Derek won't mind... I think.
A few years ago, I lived in Santa Monica, California, right on the beach.
There’s a great bike path that goes along the ocean for seven and a half miles. So, fifteen miles round trip. On weekday afternoons, it’s almost empty. It’s perfect for going full speed.
So a few times a week, I’d get on my bike and go as fast as I could for the fifteen-mile loop. I mean really full-on, 100 percent, head-down, red-faced sprinting.
I’d finish exhausted and look at the time: forty-three minutes. Every time. Maybe a minute more on a really windy day, but basically always forty-three minutes.
After a few months, I noticed I was getting less enthusiastic about this bike ride. I think I had mentally linked it with being completely exhausted.
So one day I decided I would do the same ride, but just chill. Take it easy, nice and slow. OK, not super slow, but dialing it back to about 50 percent of my usual effort.
And ahhh… what a nice ride. I was relaxed and smiling and looking around. I was barely giving it any effort.
I saw two dolphins in the water. A pelican flew right over me in Marina del Rey.... I’m usually so damn driven, always doing everything as intensely as I can. It was so nice to take it easy for once. I felt I could do this forever, without any exhaustion.
When I finished, I looked at the time: forty-five minutes.
Wait — what?!? How could that be? Yep. I double-checked: forty-five minutes, as compared to my usual forty-three.
So apparently all of that exhausting, red-faced, full-on push-push-push I had been doing had given me only a 4 percent boost. I could just take it easy and get 96 percent of the results.
And what a difference in experience! To go the same distance, in about the same time, but one way leaves me exhausted, and the other way, rejuvenated.
I think of this often. When I notice that I’m all stressed out about something or driving myself to exhaustion, I remember that bike ride and try dialing back my effort by 50 percent. It’s been amazing how often everything gets done just as well and just as fast, with what feels like half the effort.
Which then makes me realize that half of my effort wasn’t effort at all, but just unnecessary stress that made me feel like I was doing my best.
Derek's bike ride story perfectly summarizes a realization I recently had around my bedtime routine with the kids...
The routine, when done in full and correctly, should take no longer than 40 minutes. I run the kids through an assembly line that I could quite literally set my watch to: Bath, Dry, Lotion, Pajamas, Teeth, Books, Songs, Bed, Shush, Goodnight.
The kids know there's very little time or space for dilly-dallying or lolly-gagging when daddy does bedtime. If they take too long to get dressed, we might have to read a shorter book. If they resist brushing their teeth, I might have to sing at 1.25x speed.
But something weird happened the other night...
I didn't have my watch on, and my phone was downstairs. I didn't have an almighty clock to answer to. So Luca got to stay in the tub until the last drop of water drained. We took turns brushing his teeth. We read four books instead of two. And I shushed him, "just one more time", like three more times.
When I ultimately went downstairs to grab my phone, I noticed I had time to spare. I was a little shocked, but mostly confused.
How did the relaxed version of bedtime outperform the disciplined version?
I didn't even give a distressed, "Come on, Luca..." once that night. Usually, I have to say it multiple times during each transition.
I didn't rush through getting him dressed. I didn't make sure he picked the short books. I didn't rap his lullabies. I held him a bit longer before saying goodnight - well after he already let go.
Most of all, I felt zero guilt after leaving his room.
I share this epiphany with you mostly as a reminder to myself.
I just know my friends & family with older kids are screaming while reading this: "SLOW DOWN! ENJOY THIS PHASE, YOU DUMMY!!!"
My rebuttal to that is, Fine, you're right. We should have more nights like these than my usual alternative. I'll try to chill out... but also, I'm the type of person that's happiest when I'm in a prison of my own making, and building a schedule and sticking to it is a huge part of that.
I don't identify as someone who wings it or goes with the flow... But this experience taught me I can afford to be less rigid, especially with something as gentle and soothing as my children's bedtime routine.
Hopefully, I can remember that going forward.
✌🏽&❤️